How to Write Dirty Dancing

by L.A. Zvirbulis

1 – The Inspiration. Write a movie for Michael Douglas that has a sexy dance sequence cut out by producers. Decide to write a movie that has mostly sexy dance sequences. But how? Think “Hey, my life would make a great movie”, specifically the part when you visited a vacation resort with your family in the 1960s. Just add the fantasy of a sexy dance instructor. Name the main character after the same nickname you had in real life, Baby.

2 – The Genre. Sexy dance movie. Musical romance with some period drama. Or I guess lack of period drama, because of dancer Penny being pregnant and all. Also coming of age story.

3 – The Complications. What’s the worst that could happen? No one can sexy dance when sexy dancing was expected. Also Penny wants an abortion, and Baby lies to her father for the first time. This whole story is about a father accepting his daughter growing up, so anything that could go wrong in that vein. Like the silent treatment, suddenly liking your sister more, and leaving family camp early.

4 – The Fun Stuff. Dirty Dancing. Kenny Ortega choreographs classic numbers in this movie, most famously the “lift” successfully accomplished at the end of the film. Baby learns how to dance from the sexiest of dance instructors Patrick Swayze. Also there’s sex implied.

5 – The Device. The music. In order to pitch this around, have the producer send mix tapes of the proposed soundtrack, a combination of music from the 1960s and the current 1980s. The soundtrack is classic and this pitch cassette tape will become a collector’s item. Dirty Dancing is a period film that uses both period music and modern music, and while it’s not the first to do so, it does it very well. I’m sure the rights to the music aren’t cheap, but they’re worth it.

6 – The Doctor. Baby’s relationship with her father is the real spine of this story. This Jewish Physician loves his sweet innocent daughter at the beginning, only to think she’s been corrupted by the black leather wearing Patrick Swayze. The Doc also thinks Patrick Swayze is the reason Penny needs to be fixed from a botched abortion, and changes what he thinks about Baby. In the end, when he sees Baby dance, he accepts how good Patrick Swayze is for all of our emotional growths.

7 – The Jokes. This movie is charming. It’s romantic. It’s heartwarming. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”, “spaghetti arms!”, and “I carried a watermelon.” are classic lines.

8 – The Title. Dirty Dancing. It gets to the point. Make sure you put the sexy dances in the opening credits and the audience will be on board from the beginning. Alliteration also adds.

9 – The Ending. Baby grows up. Family camp ends. Doctor accepts Baby as a grown woman. Patrick Swayze has more confidence in himself, but probably doesn’t ever see Baby again. Maybe a letter or two but nothing serious. Probably a meet up at a dive bar in NYC ten years later but only for one fun night. That should be the real sequel, not Havana Nights.

10 – The Heart. Baby grows up to great music with Patrick Swayze. What more could you ask for? 

*L.A. Zvirbulis did not write Dirty Dancing. Eleanor Bergstein did.