kenny ortega – How To Write Your Favorite Movie

dirty dancing

How to Write Dirty Dancing

by L.A. Zvirbulis

1 – The Inspiration. Write a movie for Michael Douglas that has a sexy dance sequence cut out by producers. Decide to write a movie that has mostly sexy dance sequences. But how? Think “Hey, my life would make a great movie”, specifically the part when you visited a vacation resort with your family in the 1960s. Just add the fantasy of a sexy dance instructor. Name the main character after the same nickname you had in real life, Baby.

2 – The Genre. Sexy dance movie. Musical romance with some period drama. Or I guess lack of period drama, because of dancer Penny being pregnant and all. Also coming of age story.

3 – The Complications. What’s the worst that could happen? No one can sexy dance when sexy dancing was expected. Also Penny wants an abortion, and Baby lies to her father for the first time. This whole story is about a father accepting his daughter growing up, so anything that could go wrong in that vein. Like the silent treatment, suddenly liking your sister more, and leaving family camp early.

4 – The Fun Stuff. Dirty Dancing. Kenny Ortega choreographs classic numbers in this movie, most famously the “lift” successfully accomplished at the end of the film. Baby learns how to dance from the sexiest of dance instructors Patrick Swayze. Also there’s sex implied.

5 – The Device. The music. In order to pitch this around, have the producer send mix tapes of the proposed soundtrack, a combination of music from the 1960s and the current 1980s. The soundtrack is classic and this pitch cassette tape will become a collector’s item. Dirty Dancing is a period film that uses both period music and modern music, and while it’s not the first to do so, it does it very well. I’m sure the rights to the music aren’t cheap, but they’re worth it.

6 – The Doctor. Baby’s relationship with her father is the real spine of this story. This Jewish Physician loves his sweet innocent daughter at the beginning, only to think she’s been corrupted by the black leather wearing Patrick Swayze. The Doc also thinks Patrick Swayze is the reason Penny needs to be fixed from a botched abortion, and changes what he thinks about Baby. In the end, when he sees Baby dance, he accepts how good Patrick Swayze is for all of our emotional growths.

7 – The Jokes. This movie is charming. It’s romantic. It’s heartwarming. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”, “spaghetti arms!”, and “I carried a watermelon.” are classic lines.

8 – The Title. Dirty Dancing. It gets to the point. Make sure you put the sexy dances in the opening credits and the audience will be on board from the beginning. Alliteration also adds.

9 – The Ending. Baby grows up. Family camp ends. Doctor accepts Baby as a grown woman. Patrick Swayze has more confidence in himself, but probably doesn’t ever see Baby again. Maybe a letter or two but nothing serious. Probably a meet up at a dive bar in NYC ten years later but only for one fun night. That should be the real sequel, not Havana Nights.

10 – The Heart. Baby grows up to great music with Patrick Swayze. What more could you ask for?

*L.A. Zvirbulis did not write Dirty Dancing. Eleanor Bergstein did.

newsies2

How to Write Newsies

by L.A. Zvirbulis

1 – The Inspiration. Read up on the real New York City Newsboy strike of 1899. Think, “hey, it’s the 1990s, and people love the 90s again.” or something like that.

2 – The Genre. Drama. That’s how you get Academy Award Winner Robert Duvall, Academy Award Nominee Ann-Margaret, and future Academy Award Winner Christian Bale on board. Once you get them, change it to a Musical Comedy. They can’t get out of the movie because contracts and unions and such. Get Alan Menken from The Little Mermaid to write the songs. Make this the first completely live action musical Disney ever films, and get the choreographer from Dirty Dancing to direct.

3 – The Complications. What’s the worst that could happen? That powerful media villain William Randolph Hearst raises the cost of papers to the newsboys, not to the consumers. He makes his workers pay more to work for him. Disgusting. Let’s also make the main character not have a family and want a family that he thinks he might find in the magical land of Santa Fe.

4 – The Fun Stuff. Unions on Strike! Everyone loves that. I think you change this into a musical after realizing that the drama is just not as fun as the dance sequences. If unions on strike had choreographed dance moves I think a lot more negotiations would happen.

5 – The Device. Music. Newsies would be incredibly boring if it weren’t for the musical sequences. After you’ve seen this movie once, you probably just fast forward through the dramatic scenes and go straight to the dancing boys, no matter how much you claim to love the entire movie. Only the heroes sing, the villains just get plain speaking roles until this gets turned into a Broadway musical two decades later. Ann-Margaret is delightful as a vaudeville star and it re-introduces her to audiences that might not have known her glory otherwise. Sadly, Christian Bale will never sing again after this. But music wins.

6 – The Reporter. We need someone that represents the evil newspapers but is on the side of the striking newsboys. Denton. He can share the newsboys’ stories, then betray them to keep his job, then prove to them how good he is by helping them make their own paper. What a character arc. Good job, Bill Pullman. Maybe you should be President in another movie.

7 – The Jokes. Doogie Howser’s friend Max Casella plays Racetrack, so all of his jokes are about betting. Idina Menzel’s future husband Aaron Lohr plays the sweetie Mush, so he’s just nice the whole time. Gabriel Damon plays Spot Conlon, the teenage ruler of Brooklyn, so there are a lot of mentions to how awesome yet scary Brooklyn can be. And Christian Bale’s accent is captivating.

8 – The Title. The Newsboys Strike of 1899. No. Hearst Jerk. No. Media Unavailable. Ugh, let’s just go with Newsies.

9 – The Ending. The Newsies win by getting to keep working for “the man” for the same price they did at the beginning of the movie. That’s how they win, by being the same. Also some corrupt people go to jail and now Governor Teddy Roosevelt is looking into working conditions of children, so that’s good. And Christian Bale has a family now, even though he never reaches his dream of going to Santa Fe. I like to think that’s where he Honeymoons after Christian Bale marries his best friend’s sister. It’s romantic.

10 – The Heart. Newsies does not do well in its theatrical release. It becomes a cult classic mostly from people like me who record it on VHS from Disney Channel and watch it repeatedly. The songs and choreography are iconic, the actors in it are perfectly cast, and Kenny Ortega proves himself as a director that does way more than High School Musicals.

*L.A. Zvirbulis did not write Newsies. Bob Tzudiker and Noni White did, based off of the real Newsboys strike of 1899. Music by Alan Menken and J.A.C. Redford.

**This is a VHS movie made by the actors while they were filming. It is a spoof comedy about an old actor killing the stars of Newsies called “Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square”. It isn’t PG, but it is delightful and proves how much fun these kids had on set.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0SmAn5wdbM